

Alice: You're Humpty Dumpty! Just like 



an egg. 



[Page 24 J 



Jftitt, 



A 5ramattzation of Cttws Carroll's 

Alices Htotnluro m^DonJttlanfanJ 

a £hrough the Cooking <8ta$$" 

CVlice Vbjersteubety 

(fufliorof 

"She Conscience of Sarah Piatt", 
Unqutnchei TireTfl little WorUi^hc. 

(2hiccicfo 

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Copyright 

A. C. McCLURG & CO. 

1915 



Published December, 1915 



Rights to produce this play in all countries of the world 
are reserved by Alice Gerstenberg 



w. f. HArfl PRINTING COMPANY, 

QEC -6 1915 



&CI.A420088 



This dramatic rendering of Alice in Wonderland, by Alice Gerstenberg 
of Chicago, was produced by The Players Producing Company of Chicago 
(Alme Barnsdall and Arthur Bissell), at the Fine Arts Theater, Chicago 
February n, 1915. After a successful run it opened at the Booth Theater' 
New York, March 23, 1915. 

The scenery and the costumes were designed by William Penhallow Hen- 
derson of Chicago. 

The music was written by Eric De Lamarter of Chicago. 

The advertising posters and cards were designed by Jerome Blum of 
Chicago. 

The illustrations of the characters of the play in this book were drawn by 
J. Allen St. John from photographs by Victor Georg of Chicago. 

W. H. Gilmore staged the play with the following cast: 



Lewis Carroll 
Alice 

Red Queen 
White Queen 
White Rabbit 
humpty dumpty 
Gryphon . 
Mock Turtle 
Mad Hatter 
March Hare 
Dormouse . 
Frog Footman 
Duchess 
Cheshire Cat 
King of Hearts . 
Queen of Hearts 
Knave of Hearts 
Caterpillar . 
Two of Spades . 
Five of Spades 
Seven of Spades 



Frank Stirling 
Vivian Tobin 
Florence LeClercq 
Mary Servoss 
. Donald Gallaher 
Alfred Donohoe 
Fred W. Permain 
Geoffrey Stein 
Geoffrey Stein 
Fred W. Permain 
. J. Gunnis Davis 
Walter Kingsford 
Kenyon Bishop 
Alfred Donohoe 
Frederick Annerly 
Winifred Hanley 
Foxhall Daingerfield 
Walter Kingsford 
Rule Pyott 
France Bendtsen 
John A. Rice 



Alice in Wonderland 



THE SCENES 



ACT I 

Scene I — Alice's Home. 

Scene II — The Room in the Looking Glass. 

Scene III — The Hall with Doors. 

Scene IV — The Sea Shore. 



ACT II 

Scene The March Hare's Garden. 

ACT III 

Scene I — The Garden of Flowers. 
Scene II — The Court of Hearts. 
Scene III — Alice's Home. 

Miss Gerstenberg's manuscript called for costumes after the illustrations 
of John Tenniel, and scenery of the simple imaginative type, the " new art " 
In the theater. 



ALICE IN WONDERLAND 






Alice in Wonderland 



ACT I 
SCENE ONE 

Alice's home. Lewis Carroll is discovered, playing chess. 

Golden-haired ALICE, in a little blue dress, a black kitten 
in her arms, stands watching him. 

Alice 
That's a funny game, uncle. What did you do then? 

Carroll 

A red pawn took a white pawn ; this way. You see, Alice, the 
chessboard is divided into sixty-four squares, red and white, 
and the white army tries to win and the red army tries to win. 
It's" like a battle! 



With soldiers? 



Alice 



Carroll 



Yes, here are the Kings and Queens they are righting for. 
That's the Red Queen and here's the White Queen. 

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Wo See the crowns on their heads, and look at their big feet. 

//i Alice 

It's a foot apiece, that's what it is! Do they hump along like 
this? 



Carroll 



WM Here! You're spoiling the game. I must keep 
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I want to be a queen! 



Alice 



Carroll 



Here you are [he points to a small white pawn\ here you 
are in your little stiff skirt! 

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ow do you do, Alice! 



Alice 



Carroll 



And now you are going to move here. 



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Alice 



Carroll 

When you have traveled all along the board this way and 
haven't been taken by the enemy you may be a queen. 

Alice 

Why do people always play with kings and queens? Mother 
has them in her playing cards too. Look! 

[ALICE goes to the mantel and takes a pack of playing cards 
\ from the ledge.~\ 

Here's the King of Hearts and here's his wife; she's the Queen 
of Hearts — isn't she cross-looking? wants to bite one's head 
J off. 

[CARROLL moves a pawn.~\ 
You're playing against yourself, aren't you? 

Carroll 

That's one way of keeping in practice, Alice; I have friends 
in the university who want to beat me. 

Alice 

But if you play against yourself I should think you'd want to 
cheat! 

Carroll 

Does a nice little girl like you cheat when she plays against 
herself? 

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Alice 

Oh! I never do! I'd scold myself hard. I always pretend I'm 
/wo people too. It's lots of fun, isn't it? Sometimes when 
I'm all alone I walk up to the looking glass and talk to the 
other Alice. She's so silly, that Alice; she can't do anything 
by herself. She just mocks me all the time. When I laugh, 
she laughs, when I point my finger at her, she points her finger 
at me, and when I stick my tongue out at her she sticks her 
tongue out at me! Kitty has a twin too, haven't you darling? 
[ALICE goes to the mirror to show Kitty her twin.] 

Carroll 

I'll have to write a book some day about Alice — Alice in 
wonderland, " Child of the pure unclouded brow and dream- 
ing eyes of wonder! " or, Alice through the looking glass! 



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Alice 

Don't you wish sometimes you could go into looking-glass 
house? See! 

[ALICE stands on an armchair and looks into the mirror.] 
There's the room you can see through the glass; it's just the 
same as our living-room here, only the things go the other way. 
I can see all of it — all but the bit just behind the fireplace. 
Oh! I do wish I could see that bit! I want so much to know 
if they've a fire there. You never can tell, you know, unless 
our fire smokes. Then smoke comes up in that room too — 
but that may be just to make it look as if they had a fire — just 
to pretend they had. The books are something like our books, 

[4] 




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only the words go the wrong way. Won't the 
4 way of our getting through, uncle? 



re ever be any 



Carroll 
Do you think Kitty would find looking-glass milk digestible? 

Alice 

It doesn't sound awful good, does it; but I might leave her at 
home. She's been into an awful lot of mischief today. She 
found sister's knitting and chased the ball all over the garden 
where sister was playing croquet with the neighbors. And I 
ran and ran after the naughty little thing until I was all out 
of breath and so tired! I am tired. 

[She yawns and makes herself comfortable in the arm- 
chair.] 

Carroll 

[Replaces the playing cards on the mantel and consults his 
watch.] 
Take a nap. Yes, you have time before tea. 

Alice 
[Half asleep.] 
We're going to have mock turtle soup for supper! I heard 
mamma tell the cook not to pepper it too much. 

Carroll 

What a funny little rabbit it is, nibbling all the time! 

[He leans gently over the back of her chair, and seeing 

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wAhM\ ^ ia * s ^ c ' s 9 0ln 9 t° sleep puts out the lamp light and leaves 
$iffl^ f ^ ie room - d. red glow from the fireplace illumines ALICE.] W&; 
[Dream music. A bluish light reveals the RED CHESS 



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Queen ««</ /A* White Chess Queen m the mirror.] 

Red Queen 

[Points to ALICE and says in a mysterious voice.] 
There she is, let's call her over. 

White Queen 
Do you think she'll come? 



I'll call softly, Alice! 



Hist, Alice. 



Alice! 



Red Queen 



White Queen 



Red Queen 



White Queen 
Hush — if she wakes and catches us — 

Both Queens 

Alice, come through into looking-glass house 
[Their hands beckon her.] 

[6] 



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Alice 

[Rises, and talks sleepily. The Queens disappear. ALICE 
climbs from the arm of the chair to the back of another and so 
on up to the mantel ledge, where she picks her way daintily 
between the vases.] 

I — don't — know — how — I — can — get — through. I've 
tried — before — but the glass was hard — and I was afraid 
of cutting — my fingers — 

[She feels the glass and is amazed to find it like gauze.] 
Why, it's soft like gauze; it's turning into a sort of mist; why, 
it's easy to get through! Why — why — I'm going through! 

[She disappears.] 



SCENE TWO 

[Is Scene One, reversed. The portieres are black and red 
squares like a chessboard. A soft radiance follows the char- 
acters mysteriously. As the curtain rises ALICE comes 
through the looking glass; steps down, looks about in 
wonderment and goes to see if there is a " fire." The Rli!) 
QUEEN rises out of the grate and faces her haughtily.] 

Alice 
Why, you're the Red Queen! 

Red Queen 

Of course I am! Where do you come from? And where are 
you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your 

fingers! 

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I only wanted to see what the looking glass was like. Perhaps \\ 
\ffl/,l I've lost my way. 

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I don't know what you mean by your way; all the ways about 
here belong to me. Curtsey while you're thinking what to say. 
It saves time. 

Alice 

I'll try it when I go home; the next time I'm a little late for 
dinner. 

Red Queen 

It's time for you to answer now; open your mouth a little 
wider when you speak, and always say, " Your Majesty." I 
suppose you don't want to lose your name? 



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Red Queen 



And yet I don't know, only think how convenient it would be 
if you could manage to go home without it! For instance, if 
the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would 
call out " come here," and there she would have to leave off, 
because there wouldn't be any name for her to call, and of 
course you wouldn't have to go, you know. 

[8] 





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Alice 

That would never do, I'm sure; the governess would never 
think of excusing me from lessons for that. If she couldn't 
remember my name, she'd call me " Miss," as the servants do. 

Red Queen 

Well, if she said " Miss," and didn't say anything more, of 
course you'd miss your lessons. I dare say you can't even read 
this book. 

Alice 

It's all in some language I don't know. Why, it's a looking- 
glass book, of course! And if I hold it up to a glass, the words 
will all go the right way again. 

Jabberwocky 

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; 

All mimsy were the borogoves, 
And the mome raths outgrabe. 

It seems very pretty, but it's rather hard to understand; 
somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas — only I don't 
exactly know what they are. 



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I daresay you don't know your geography either, 
the map! 

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Alice 



[* It's marked out just like a big chessboard. I wouldn't mind 



being a pawn, though of course I should like to be a Red 
Queen best. 

Red Queen 

That's easily managed. When you get to the eighth square 
you'll be a Queen. It's a huge game of chess that's being 
played — all over the world. Come on, we've got to run. 
Faster, don't try to talk. 






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Faster, faster. 



Are we nearly there? 



Alice 



Red Queen 



Alice 



Red Queen 



Nearly there! Why, we passed it ten minutes ago. Faster. 
You may rest a little now. 




Alice 

Why, I do believe we're in the same place. Everything's just 
as it was. 





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Of course it is, what would you have it? 

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Alice 

Well, in our country you'd generally get to somewhere else — 
if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing. 

Red Queen 

A slow sort of country. Now here you see, it takes all the 
running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want 
to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as 
that. 

Alice 

I'd rather not try, please! I'm quite content to stay here — 
only I am so hot and thirsty. 

Red Queen 

I know what you'd like. 

[She takes a little box out of her pocket.~\ 
Have a biscuit? 

[ALICE, not liking to refuse, curtseys as she takes the biscuit 
and chokes. 1 ^ 

Red Queen 

While you're refreshing yourself, I'll just take the measure- 
ments. 

[She takes a ribbon out of her pocket and measures the 
map with it.~\ 

At the end of two yards I shall give you your directions — 
have another biscuit? 

[12] 



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Alice 
No thank you, one's quite enough. 

Red Queen 

Thirst quenched, I hope? At the end of three yards I shall 
repeat them — for fear of your forgetting them. At the end 
of four, I shall say good-bye. And at the end of five, I shall 
go! That Square belongs to Humpty Dumpty and that 
Square to the Gryphon and Mock Turtle and that Square to 
the Queen of Hearts. But you make no remark? 



Alice 
I didn't know I had to make one 

Red Queen 



just then. 



You should have said, " It's extremely kind of you to tell 
me all this," however, we'll suppose it said. Four! Good- 
bye! Five! 

[RED QUEEN vanishes in a gust of -wind behind the por- 
tieres. Rabbit music. WHITE RABBIT comes out of the fire- 
place and walks about the room hurriedly. He wears a 
checked coat, carries white kid gloves in one hand, a fan in 
the other and takes out his watch to look at it anxiouslyJ] 

White Rabbit 

Oh the Duchess! the Duchess! Oh! won't she be savage if 
I've kept her waiting! 

[13] 



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Alice 

I've never seen a rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch! And 
a waistcoat pocket! If you please, sir — 



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White Rabbit 
Oh! 

[He drops fan and gloves in fright and dashes out by 
way of the portieres in a gust of wind. ALICE picks up the 
fan and playfully puts on the gloves. The portieres flap in the 
breeze and a shawl flies in.] 

Alice 

[Catches the shawl and looks about for the owner; then 
meets the WHITE QUEEN.] 
I'm very glad I happened to be in the way. 

White Queen 

[Runs in wildly, both arms stretched out wide as if she 
were flying, and cries in a helpless frightened way.] 
Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter. 

Alice 
Am I addressing the White Queen? 

White Queen 

Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing. It isn't my notion of 
the thing, at all. 

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If your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, 
I'll do it as well as I can. 

White Queen 

But I don't want it done at all. I've been a-dressing myself 
for the last two hours. 

Alice 

Every single thing's crooked, and you're all over pins; may 
I put your shawl straight for you? 

White Queen 

I don't know what's the matter with it! It's out of temper. 
I've pinned it here, and I've pinned it there, but there's no 
pleasing it. 

Alice 

It can't go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side, 
and dear me, what a state your hair is in! 

White Queen 

The brush has got entangled in it! And I lost the comb 
yesterday. 

Alice 

[Takes out the brush and arranges the QUEEN'S hair.] You 
look better now! But really you should have a lady's maid! 

[IS] 



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White Queen 

I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure. Two pence a week and 
jam every other day. 

Alice 

[Who cannot help laughing.^ 
I don't want you to hire me — and I don't care for jam. 

White Queen 
It's very good jam. 

Alice 
Well, I don't want any today, at any rate. 

White Queen 

You couldn't have it if you did want it. The rule is, jam 
tomorrow and jam yesterday — but never jam today. 

Alice 
It must come sometimes to " jam today." 

White Queen 

No, it can't, it's jam every other day; today isn't any other 
day, you know. 

Alice 

I don't understand you, it's dreadfully confusing! 

[16] 



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That's the effect of living backwards, it always makes one a 



little giddy at first 



Alice 



h Living backwards! I never heard of such a thing! 

White Queen 

But there's one great advantage in it — that one's memory 
works both ways. 

Alice 

I'm sure mine only works one way. I can't remember things 
before they happen. 

White Queen 
It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards. 

Alice 
What sort of things do you remember best? 

White Queen 
Oh, things that happened the week after next. For instance 



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[She sticks a large piece of plaster on her finger.'] 
There's the King's messenger — he's in prison being punished ; 
and the trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday; and of 
course the crime comes last of all. 

[17] 



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Alice 
Suppose he never commits the crime? 

White Queen 

[Binding the plaster with ribbon. .] 
That would be all the better, wouldn't it? 

Alice 

Of course it would be all the better, but it wouldn't be all 
the better his being punished. 

White Queen 
You're wrong there, at any rate; were you ever punished? 

Alice 
Only for faults. 

White Queen 
And you were all the better for it, I know! 

Alice 

Yes, but then I had done the things I was punished for; that 
makes all the difference. 

White Queen 

But if you hadn't done them that would have been better still; 
better and better and better! 

[18] 



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There's a mistake somewhere — 



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White Queen 

[Screams like an engine whistle, and shakes her hand.~\ 
Oh, Oh, Oh! My finger's bleeding. Oh, Oh, Oh! 



Alice 
What is the matter? Have you pricked your finger? 

White Queen 
I haven't pricked it yet — but I soon shall — Oh, Oh, Oh! 

Alice 
When do you expect to do it? 

White Queen 

When I fasten my shawl again; the brooch will come undone 
directly. Oh, Oh! 

[Brooch flies open and she clutches it wildly.] 

Alice 
Take care! you're holding it all crooked! 

White Queen 

[Pricks her finger and smiles. ] 
That accounts for the bleeding, you see; now you understand 
the way things happen here. 

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White Queen 

Why, I've done all the screaming already. What would be 
the good of having it all over again? Oh! it's time to run if 
you want to stay in the same place! Come on! 

[20] 



Alice 
No, no! Not so fast! I'm getting dizzy!! 



Faster, faster! 



White Queen 



Alice 




Everything's black before my eyes! 

[There is music, and the sound of rushing wind, and in the 
darkness the WHITE QUEEN cries: " Faster, faster " ; ALICE 
gasps: "I cant — please stop"; and the QUEEN replies: 
" Then you can't stay in the same place. I'll have to drop you 
behind. Faster — faster, good-bye." 



SCENE THREE 

When the curtain rises one sees nothing but odd black lanterns 
with orange lights, hanging, presumably, from the sky. 
The scene lights up slowly revealing ALICE seated on two 
large cushions. She has been " dropped behind" by the 
WHITE QUEEN and is dazed to find herself in a strange hall 
with many peculiar doors and knobs too high to reach. 

Alice 

Oh! my head! Where am I? Oh dear, Oh dear! 

[She staggers up and to her amazement finds herself 
smaller than the table.~\ 

[21] 



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I've never been smaller than any table before! I've always 
been able to reach the knobs! What a curious feeling. Oh! 
I'm shrinking. It's the fan — the gloves! 

[She throws them away, feels her head and measures 
herself against table and doors.] 
Oh! saved in time! But I never — never — 

White Rabbit 
Oh! my fan and gloves! Where are my — 

Alice 

Oh ! Mr. Rabbit — please help me out — I want to go home — 
I want to go home — 

White Rabbit 

Oh! the Duchess! Oh! my fur and whiskers! She'll get me 
executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets 1 Oh! you have them! 

Alice 
I'm sorry — you dropped them, you know — 

White Rabbit 

[Picks up fan and gloves and patters off.] 
She'll chop off your head! 



Alice 

If you please sir — where am I? — won't you please 
me how to get out — I want to get out — 

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White Rabbit 

[Looking at his watch.] 
Oh! my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting. 

[A trap door gives way and RABBIT disappears. ALICE 
dashes after only in time to have the trap door bang in her 
face.] 

Alice 

[Amazed.] 
It's a rabbit-hole — I'm small enough to fit it too! If I shrink 
any more it might end in my going out altogether like a 
candle. I wonder what I would be like then! What does 
the flame of a candle look like after the candle is blown out? 
I've never seen such a thing! 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

[Sits on the avail.] 
Don't stand chattering to yourself like that, but tell me your 
name and your business. 

Alice 

My name is Alice, but — 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 
It's a stupid name enough, what does it mean? 

Alice 
Must a name mean something? 

[23] 



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Of course it must; raj name means the shape I am — and a 
good, handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, 
you might be any shape, almost. 

Alice 
You're Humpty Dumpty! Just like an egg. 

Humpty Dumpty 
It's very provoking, to be called an egg — very. 

Alice 

I said you looked like an egg, Sir, and some eggs are very 
pretty, you know. 

Humpty Dumpty 
Some people have no more sense than a baby. 

Alice 
Why do you sit here all alone? 

Humpty Dumpty 

Why, because there's nobody with me. Did you think I didn't 
know the answer to that? Ask another. 

Alice 

Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground? That 
wall's so very narrow. 






r.r*K?»r 





HUMPTY DUMPTY 

What tremendously easy riddles you ask! Of course I don't 
think so. Take a good look at me! I'm one that has spoken 
to a king, I am; to show you I'm not proud, you may shake 
hands with me! 

[He leans forward to offer ALICE his hand but she is too 
small to reach it.~\ 

However, this conversation is going on a little too fast; let's 
go back to the last remark but one. 

Alice 
I'm afraid I can't remember it. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 
In that case we start fresh, and it's my turn to choose a subject. 

Alice 
You talk about it just as if it were a game. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 
So here's a question for you. How old did you say you were? 

Alice 
Seven years and six months. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

Wrong! You never said a word about it. Now if you'd asked 
my advice, I'd have said, " Leave off at seven — but — " 

[25] 



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Alice 
I never ask advice about growing. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 
Too proud? 

Alice 

What a beautiful belt you've got on. At least, a beautiful 
cravat, I should have said — no, a belt, I mean — I beg your 
pardon. If only I knew which was neck and which was waist. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

It is a — most — provoking — thing, when a person doesn't 
know a cravat from a belt. 

Alice 
I know it's very ignorant of me. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. There's 
glory for you. 

Alice 
I don't know what you mean by " glory." 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — 
neither more nor less. 

[26] 






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Alice 

The question is, whether you can make words mean different 
things. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

The question is, which is to be master — that's all. Impen- 
etrability! That's what I say! 

Alice 
Would you tell me, please, what that means? 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

1 meant by " impenetrability " that we've had enough of that 
subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what 
you mean to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here 
all the rest of your life. 

Alice 
That's a great deal to make one word mean. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

When I make a word do a lot of work like that I always pay 
it extra. 

Alice 







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HUMPTY DUMPTY 

Ah, you should see 'em come round me of a Saturday night, 
for to get their wages, you know. That's all — Good-bye. 

Alice 
Good-bye till we meet again. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

I shouldn't know you again, if we did meet, you're so exactly 
like other people. 

Alice 

The face is what one goes by, generally. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY 

That's just what I complain of. Your face is the same as 
everybody has — the two eyes — so — nose in the middle, 
mouth under. It's always the same. Now if you had the two 
eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance — or the mouth 
at the top — that would be some help. 



Alice 



It wouldn't look nice. 



HUMPTY DUMPTY 

Wait till you've tried! Good-bye. 
[lie disappears as he came.^ 

[28] 



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Alice 

Oh ! I forgot to ask him how to — 

[She tries to open the doors. They are all locked; she 
begins to iveep. She walks weeping to a high glass table and 
sits down on its lower ledge. She sits on a big golden key and 
picks it up in surprise. She tries it on all the doors but it 
does not fit. She weeps and weeps — and Wonderland grows 
dark to her in her despair. In the darkness she cries, " Oh! 
I'm slipping! Oh, Oh! it's a lake; Oh! my tears! I'm float- 
ing! " A mysterious light shows a " Drink me " sign around 
a bottle on the top of the table. ALICE floats up to it panting , 
and holding on to the edge of the table takes up the bottle.] 

Alice 
It isn't marked poison. 

[She sips at it.] 
This is good! Tastes like cherry tart, custard, pineapple, 
roast turkey, toffy and hot buttered toast — all together. Oh! 
Oh! I'm letting out like a telescope. 

[A mysterious light shows her lengthening out.] 

[Music] 
But the lake is rising too. Oh! Oh! it's deep! I'm drowning. 
Help, help, I'm drowning, I'm drowning in my tears! 

Gryphon 
Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh! 

[The GRYPHON, a huge green creature with big glittering 
wings, appears where HUMPTY DUMPTY had been and reaches 
glittering claws over to grab and save ALICE.] 

[29] 



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SCENE FOUR 

/.y symbolic of a wet and rocky shore in a weird green light. 
The MOCK TURTLE is weeping dismally. 

Gryphon 
Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh. 

Mock Turtle 

[Answers with his weeping.] 

Gryphon 

[Drags ALICE in.] 
Drop your tears into the sea with his. 



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Alice 

He sobs as if he had a bone in his throat, 
heart would break. What is his sorrow? 

I 

Mock Turtle 
Oh, Gryphon, it's terrible! 

Gryphon 

i [■... 

It's all his fancy that. Mock Turtle hasn't got no sorrow. 

! '■'■'■ 
This here young lady, she wants for to know your history, 

she do. 

[30] if 



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Mock Turtle 



I'll tell it her. Sit down both of you, and don't speak a word 
till I've finished. 

Alice 
I don't see how you can ever finish, if you don't begin. 

Mock Turtle 

Once, I was a real Turtle. 

[A long silence is broken only by the exclamations, 
" Hjckrrh" of the GRYPHON and the heavy sobbing of the 

Mock Turtle.] 

Mock Turtle 

When we were little, we went to school in the sea. The master 
was an old Turtle — we used to call him tortoise — 

Alice 
Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one? 

Mock Turtle 

We called him Tortoise because he taught us; really you are 
very dull. 

Gryphon 




You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple 
question. Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it! 

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Mock Turtle 
Yes, we went to school in the sea, tho' you mayn't believe it 

Alice 
I never said I didn't. 

Mock Turtle 



You did. 



Hold your tongue 



Gryphon 



Mock Turtle 

We had the best of educations — in fact, we went to school 
every day. 

Alice 

I've been to a day school too; you needn't be so proud as all 
that. 

Mock Turtle 
With extras? 

Alice 
Yes, we learned French and music. 

Mock Turtle 



And washing? 







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Certainly not 

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Ah! Then yours wasn't a really good school. Now at own 
they had at the end of the bill, French, music, and washing — 

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Alice 

You couldn't have wanted it much; living at the bottom of 
the sea. 

Mock Turtle 

I couldn't afford to learn it, I only took the regular course. 

Alice 
What was that? 

Mock Turtle 

Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the 
different branches of Arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, 
Uglification, and Derision. 

Alice 
I never heard of Uglification. What is it? 

Gryphon 

Never heard of uglifying! You know what to beautify is, I 
suppose? 



Yes, it means — to 



Alice 
make — anything — prettier. 

Gryphon 



Well then, if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a 
simpleton. 

[34] 










Alice 
What else had you to learn? 

Mock Turtle 

Well, there was Mystery; Mystery, ancient and modern, with 
Seaography, then Drawling — the Drawling-master was an 
old conger eel, that used to come once a week; what he 
taught us was Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in 
Coils. 



What was that like? 



Alice 



Mock Turtle 



Well, I can't show it you, myself. 
Gryphon never learned it. 



I'm too stiff. And the 



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Gryphon 

Hadn't time; I went to the Classical master, though. He was 
an old crab, he was. 



I never went to him 
used to say. 



So he did, so he did. 



Mock Turtle 
he taught Laughing and Grief, they 



Gryphon 



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Alice 
And how many hours a day did you do lessons? 

Mock Turtle 
Ten hours the first day, nine the next, and so on. 

Alice 
What a curious plan! 

Gryphon 







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That's the reason they're called lessons, because they lessen 
from day to day. 

Alice 
Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday? 

Mock Turtle 
Of course it was. 

Alice 
And how did you manage on the twelfth? 

Gryphon 

That's enough about lessons, tell her something about the 
games now. 

[MOCK TURTLE sighs deeply, draws back of one flapper 
across his eyes. He looks at ALICE and tries to speak but sobs 
choke his voice.~\ 

[36] 



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Gryphon 

[Punching him in the back.] 
Same as if he had a bone in his throat. 

Mock Turtle 

[With tears running down his cheeks.] 
You may not have lived much under the sea 



I haven't. 



Alice 



Mock Turtle 




And perhaps you were never even introduced to 
lobster. 



Alice 



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I once tasted — no, never! 



Mock Turtle 

So you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster 
Quadrille is. 

Alice 

No, indeed. What sort of a dance is it? 

Gryphon 
Why, you first form into a line along the seashore. 

[37] 



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Mock Turtle 



Two lines; seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then, when 
cleared all the jellyfish out of the way — 

if 

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you ve 



Mock Turtle 



You advance twice 



Gryphon 
Each with a lobster as a partner. 

Mock Turtle 
Of course, advance twice, set to partners. 

Gryphon 
Change lobsters, and retire in same order. 

Mock Turtle 
Then you know, you throw the — 

Gryphon 
The lobsters! 



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As far out to sea as you can 
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Swim after them! 



Mock Turtle 



Turn a somersault in the sea. 
i..ti *> 



Gryphon 



Change lobsters again 



Mock Turtle 



E3 
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m Alice 

1 

Bg It must be a very pretty dance. 

1 

Mock Turtle 

Hi 

Would you like to see a little of it? 

Alice 



re. 



Very much indeed. 



Mock Turtle 



Come, let's try the first figure. We can do it without lobsters, 
you know; which shall sing? 

P 

Gryphon 

Oh, you sing, I've forgotten the words. 

[39] 



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[Creatures solemnly dance round and round ALICE, tread- 'yjLi 



ing on her toes, waving fore-paws to mark time while MOCK 

Turtle sings.] 

First Verse 

" Will you walk a little faster! " said a whiting to a snail, 
" There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on 

my tail. 
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! 
They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and join 

the dance? 
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the 

dance? 
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the 

dance? 



MS 



Second Verse 

" You can really have no notion how delightful it will be 
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out 

to sea! " 
But the snail replied, "Too far, too far!" and gave a look 

askance — 
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join 

the dance. 
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join 

the dance. 
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join 

the dance. 

[40] 



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[TV/*? creatures dance against ALICE, pushing her back and \ 
vffijft forth between them. She protests and finally escapes; they 
bump against each other.~\ 



Alice 

Thank you; it's a very interesting dance to watch, and I do 
so like that curious song about the whiting. 

Mock Turtle 
Oh, as to the whiting, they — you've seen them, of course? 

Alice 

Yes, I've often seen them at din — 
[Checks herself hastily. .] 

Mock Turtle 

I don't know where Din may be, but if you've seen them so 
often, of course you know what they're like. 

Alice 

I believe so, they have their tails in their mouths — and 
they're all over crumbs. 

Mock Turtle 



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You're wrong about the crumbs, crumbs would all wash or! 
in the sea. But they have their tails in their mouths; and 
the reason is — 



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[MOCK TURTLE yawns and shuts his eyes.'] 
Tell her about the reason and all that. 

Gryphon 

The reason is, that they would go with the lobsters to the 
dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall 
a long way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So 
they couldn't get them out again. That's all. 

Alice 

Thank you, it's very interesting. I never knew so much about 
a whiting before. 



Gryphon 

I can tell you more than that, if you like, 
why it's called a whiting? 



Do you know 



I never thought about it. 



Alice 
Why? 



Gryphon 

It does the boots and shoes. 

Alice 
Does the boots and shoes! 

Gryphon 

Why, what are your shoes done with? I mean, what makes 
them so shiny? 



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W^ .^ ; J 



Alice 
They're done with blacking, I believe. 

Gryphon 

Boots and shoes under the sea, are done with whiting, 
you know. 

Alice 



Now 



And what are they made of? 

Gryphon 
Soles and eels, of course; any shrimp could have told you that. 

Alice 

If I'd been the whiting, I'd have said to the porpoise, " Keep 
back, please; we don't want you with us." 

Mock Turtle 

They were obliged to have him with them, no wise fish would 
go anywhere without a porpoise. 



Wouldn't it really? 



Alice 



Mock Turtle 






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Of course not; why if a fish came to me and told me he was 
going a journey, I should say, " With what porpoise? " 

[43] 




Mi 






Alice 
Don't you mean purpose? 

Mock Turtle 
I mean what I say. 




Gryphon 

Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille? 
would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song? 

[44] 



Or 



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Alice 
Oh, a song please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind. 

Gryphon 

Um! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup/' 
will you, old fellow? 

Mock Turtle 

[Sighs deeply and sometimes choked with sobs, sings.] 

" Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, 
Waiting in a hot tureen! 
Who for such dainties would not stoop? 
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 
Beau — ootiful Soo — op, 
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop, 
Soo — oop of the e-e-evening, 
Beautiful, beautiful Soup." 

White Rabbit 

[Enters, stretching out a red and white checked sash with 
which he separates ALICE from the creatures.] 
Check! 

Mock Turtle 
They won't let her stay in our square. 

[4;] 



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White Rabbit 
The Queen is coming this way. 

Gryphon 

She'll chop our heads off. Come on, come on, let's fly! 
[The Mock Turtle and Gryphon grab Alice and 

fly into the air.~\ 

CURTAIN 
[The Curtain rises to reveal small silhouettes of the 

Gryphon, Mock Turtle, and Alice in an orange-colored 

moon far away in the sky. Down below the WHITE RABBIT 
is shouting to them, " You'll be safe in the March Hare's 
garden."~\ 

CURTAIN 



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ACT II 

SCENE 

The March Hare's garden, showing part of the Duchess' 
house. On a small platform there is a tea table, set with 
many cups, continuing into wings to give impression of 
limitless length. The MARCH HARE, HATTER, and DOR- 
MOUSE are crowded at one end. ALICE sits on the ground 
where she has been dropped from the sky. Finding herself 
not bruised she rises and approaches the table. 

March Hare and Hatter 
No room! No room! 



1 



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Alice 

There's plenty of room! 

[She sits in a large armchair at one end of the table.] 
I don't know who you are. 

March Hare 

I am the March Hare, that's the Hatter, and this is the Dor- 
mouse. Have some wine? 



I don't see any wine. 



Alice 



[47] 



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March Hare 
There isn't any. 

Alice 
Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it. 

March Hare 
It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited. 

Alice 

L I didn't know it was your table; it's laid for a great many 
more than three. 

Hatter 

Your hair wants cutting. 

Alice 
You should learn not to make personal remarks; it's very rude. 

Hatter 

Why is a raven like a writing-desk? 

Alice 

Come, we shall have some fun now! I'm glad you've begun 
asking riddles — I believe I can guess that. 

March Hare 
So you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it? 

[48] 

JfiC'. i t . ' . ; '. ' .'.'• ' •'• i*m^^'^ ' . ''."'i 1 1 n ut 




Hatter: Your hair wants cutting. 





Alice 



iff 
%Mi v Exactly so. 

I'M'' 

W«i March Hare 

ISl 

jj^ Then you should say what you mean. 

Alice 

'/■'■■•' 

I do; at least — at least I mean what I say — that's the same 
^J thing, you know. 

W\ 

Hatter 

$ Not the same thing a bit! Why, you might just as well say 
W§ that " I see what I eat " is the same thing as, " I eat what 
■m I see!" 

i 

March Hare 

You might just as well say that " I like what I get," is the 
same thing as " I get what I like." 



m 



ill 



Dormouse 

You might just as well say that " I breathe when I sleep " is 
the same thing as " I sleep when I breathe." 

Hatter 
tea 

It is the same thing with you. 

[Takes out his watch, looks at it uneasily, shakes it, holds 
it to his ear.~\ 

[49] 



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%&M What day of the month is it? 

Alice 
The fourth. 

Hatter 
Two days wrong. I told you butter wouldn't suit the works! 



It was the best butter. 



March Hare 



Hatter 



Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well; you shouldn't 
have put it in with the bread-knife — 

March Hare 

[Takes the watch, looks at it gloomily, dips it into his 
cup of tea and looks at it again but doesn't know what else 
to say.~\ 
It was the best butter, you know. 

Alice 

What a funny watch! It tells the day of the month, and 
doesn't tell what o'clock it is. 

Hatter 
Why should it? Does your watch tell you what year it is?. 

[50] 




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0! 



Alice 









Of course not, but that's because it stays the same year for such '\f| 



m 
1 



a long time together. 

Hatter 
Which is just the case with mine. 

Alice 

I don't quite understand you. What you said had no sort of 
meaning in it and yet it was certainly English. 

Hatter 

[Pouring some hot tea on the DORMOUSE'S nose.~\ 
The Dormouse is asleep again. 

Dormouse 

Of course, of course, just what I was going to remark my- 
self. 

Hatter 

Have you guessed the riddle yet? 

Alice 
No, I give it up, what's the answer? 

Hatter 
I haven't the slightest idea. 



[5»] 



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March Hare 



Alice 







1 think, you might do something better with the time, than 
wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers. 

Hatter 

If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about fe 
wasting it. It's him. 

jet! 
Alice 

I don't know what you mean. 

Hatter fej: 

pi 

Of course you don't. I dare say you never even spoke to Time. 

Alice 

m 

Perhaps not, but I know I have to beat time when I learn 

music. 

Pi 
Hatter 

Ah, that accounts for it. He won't stand beating. Now, if 
you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything 
you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine 
o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons. You'd 
only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round eoes the clock 
in a twinkling! Half past one, time for dinner. 

[52] j| 

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I only wish it was. 



Ut in ©UonOerlanO 

March Hare 

Alice 




That would be grand, certainly, but then — I shouldn't be 
hungry for it, you know. 

Hatter 

Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it to half past one as 
long as you liked. 

Alice 
Is that the way you manage? 

Hatter 

Not I, we quarreled last March — just before he went mad, 
you know. It was at the great concert given by the Queen of 
Hearts and I had to sing. 

" Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! 
How I wonder what you're at! " 

You know the song, perhaps. 

Alice 
I've heard something like it. 

Dormouse 
Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle — 




" 



K3 



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31 



Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse when the Queen 
bawled out, " He's murdering the time! Off with his head! " 



How dreadfully savage! 



Alice 



Hatter 



And ever since that, he won't do a thing I ask! 
six o'clock now. 



It's always 



Alice 
Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here? 

Hatter 

Yes, that's it; it's always tea time, and we've no time to wash 
the things between whiles. 

Alice 
Then you keep moving round, I suppose? 

Hatter 
Exactly so, as the things get used up. 

Alice 
But when you come to the beginning again? 

[54] 



IS, 






%.i> 



March Hare 



tk2\ it 

>i r >/' ,/fo 



m 



<m 



Suppose we change the subject. I vote the young lady tells \f| 



us a story. 

Alice 



March Hare 



Alice 



Htl 



I'm afraid I don't know one. &$; 









March Hare and Hatter 

Then the Dormouse shall. Wake up Dormouse. 

[They pinch him on both sides at once A 

L J t J JEW 

Ipta 

Dormouse V^vl 

w 

[Opens his eyes slowly and says in a hoarse, feeble voice.^ 
I wasn't asleep, I heard every word you fellows were saying. 



if —si 

m 



Tell us a story. 
Yes, please do! 

M 
Hatter 

N 

And be quick about it, or you'll be asleep again before it's 
done. 

Dormouse 

ll'V.'i ''.".'.,! 

Once upon a time there were three little sisters, and their 

II [55] II 




in raontietiano ^^flf^ 

I names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie and they lived at the bot- 

Mm v tom °f a we ^ — 
Ml 



Iff] 

What did they live on! 

Sft 



Alice 




They lived on treacle. 



Dormouse 



[56] 



"■1 

WW 
m 

m 
ii 



They couldn't have done that, you know, they'd have been ill. M 



Dormouse 
So they were, very ill. 

Alice 
But why did they- live at the bottom of a well? 

March Hare 

Take some more tea. 

Alice 
I've had nothing yet, so I can't take more. 

Hatter 

You mean, you can't take less; it's very easy to take more than 
nothing. 

Alice 
Nobody asked your opinion. 

Hatter 
Who's making personal remarks now? 

Alice 

[Helps herself to tea and bread and butter.'] 
Why did they live at the bottom of a well? 

[57] 






I 

1 

Mr 

m 

m 
i 

Safe 



i'.'.'.j ! 
. MS 



Pi 



Ifllfli 



Dormouse 

[Takes a minute or two to think.] 
It was a treacle-well. 

Alice 
There's no such thing! 

Hatter and March Hare 

Sh! Sh! 

Dormouse 

If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for your- 
self. 



P 

m 



Alice 

[Very humbly.] 
No, please go on. I won't interrupt you again, 
there may be one. 

Dormouse 



I dare say 



One, indeed! And so these three little sisters — they were 
learning to draw, you know — 



What did they draw? 



Treacle. 



Alice 



Dormouse 



[58] 











Hatter 









i 



Pi 

m 



I want a clean cup. Let's all move one place on. 

[Hatter moves on, Dormouse takes his place, March 

HARE takes DORMOUSE'S place and ALICE unwillingly takes 

March Hare's place.'] 

Alice 

I'm worse off than I was before. You've upset the milk jug 
into your plate. 

March Hare 
It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited. 

Alice 
Where did they draw the treacle from? 

Hatter 

You can draw water out of a water well, so I should think 
you could draw treacle out of a treacle well — eh, stupid? 






uJ.'.ii.'S/.'l fffa 

m 
I 



Alice 



But they were in the well. 



Dormouse 

Of course they were — well in. They were learning to draw, 
and they drew all manner of things — everything that begins 
with an M — 

[59] 



pk 



u\' : >. 







Why with an M? 




II 



IP 



\m 
m 






March Hare 

Why not? 

[ALICE is silent and confused. HATTER pinches DORMOUSE 
to wake him up.~\ 

vE i< g^Bw-riT'' if t i i i' »'Hli' f '.it T Tr t T , i' i 1 m/'/^- 



..J.^/i>;>.il:r, 

M 



met in C&unOerlanO ^^^&^0^k 



M 
M 



^ 



ii 



Dormouse 



[Wakes with a little shriek and continues.] 
— that begins with an M, such as mousetraps and the moon 
and memory and muchness — you know you say things are 
" much of a muchness " — did you ever see such a thing as a 
drawing of a muchness? 



Hatter 



Did you? 



Alice 
Really now you ask me, I don't think — 



Hatter 



Then you shouldn't talk. 



No 



March Hare 



Alice 



m 



m 



[Rises and walks away.~\ 
You are very rude. It's the stupidest tea party I ever was at in 
all my life — 

[WHITE RABBIT enters carrying a huge envelope with a 
seal and crown on it.~\ 



ft i\ 

r:-.i '. 
Wr '•'■>• 



March Hare and Hatter 

No room! no room! 

[61] 



m 



i 



' ■ vtJl 

-ffl 



m 

1 



J^llLijm'.'.'J.iiyij.'.'lillx/.'j. 








m but aoes to the house and \bL//M 
raps loudly. A footman in livery with a round face and large '"$$$ 
m eves like a 



March Hare 



She's at it again. 



Hatter 



It's perfectly disgusting. 



March Hare 

Let's move on. 

[ The platform moves off with table, chairs, MARCH HARE, 

[62] 



m 

ii 



[RABBIT pays no attention to the] 
. A footman in livery 11 
frog and powdered hair opens the door.] 

White Rabbit 

For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play cro- 

quet. \m\ 

Frog 

m 

From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play cro- 
quet. 

[White Rabbit bows and goes out.] 

March Hare and Hatter 

[To White Rabbit.] 
No room! Noioom! No room! 

[The FROG disappears into the house but leaves the door 
open. There is a terrible din and many sauce pans fly out.] 



WmmE^^^^^^^^^m^^^m^ 












HATTER, and DORMOUSE. Meanwhile the FROG has come out &MT 
W$0 again and is sitting near the closed door, staring stupidly at **VM§ 
\\{'S!l the sky. ALICE goes to the door timidly and knocks.] 

m W 

m 



i 
ft 









p 
I 



W 

ill 



Frog 

There's no sort of use in knocking, and that for two reasons: 
hist, because I'm on the same side of the door as you are; 
secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one 
could possibly hear you. 

Alice 
Please then, how am I to get in? 

Frog 

There might be some sense in your knocking if we had the 
door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might 
knock, and I could let you out, you know. 



How am I to get in? 



Alice 



Frog 



I shall sit here, till tomorrow. 

[The door opens and a large plate skims out straight at the 
FROG'S head; it grazes his nose and breaks into pieces.] 

[FROG acts as if nothing had happened.] 
Or next day, maybe. 

[63] 

'lag 



B! 

I 




. jffilonDerlanO 

'f$ Alice 

m 

How am I to get in? 

Frog 
Are you to get in at all? That's the first question, you know. 

Alice 

It's really dreadful the way all you creatures argue. It's 
enough to drive one crazy. 

Frog 
I shall sit here, on and off, for days and days. 

Alice 
But what am I to do? 

Frog 

Anything you like. 

[He begins to whistle.] 

Alice 
Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door? 

Frog 



% 'Hi 

IfeftJ 



Which door? 



This door, of course! 



Alice 



[64] 



I 

\m 
m 



m 



Hi 

\\ri\ 

w 
A 

lil 






V",i 1 . i^tffftt*t i—y t y?h r ! J « 1 W 







Frog: I shall sit here till tomorrow. 




[The FROG looks at the door, and rubs his thumb on it to 

'fax ' 



wfo see if the paint will come off.~\ 

1 

i 




Frog 
To answer the door? What's it been asking for? 

Alice 
I don't know what you mean. 



m 



I 

m 



I! 



,4 

<■■■' V', 

i 

I 



E3j 

I... 1 1 

J! 
ipi 

m 



1 




23 1 







m 
.... ii 



Frog 

I speaks English, doesn't I? Or are you deaf? What did it 
ask you? 

Alice 
Nothing! I've been knocking at it. 

Frog 

Shouldn't do that — shouldn't do that, vexes it, you know. 

[He kicks the door.] 
You let it alone, and it'll let you alone, you know. 

Alice 

Oh, there's no use talking to you — 

[She starts to open the door just as the DUCHESS comes out 
carrying a pig in baby's clothes. She sneezes — FROG sneezes 
and ALICE sneezes.] 

Duchess 

If everybody minded her own business — 
[She sneezes.] 



Alice 



It's pepper. 



Duchess 

Of course, my cook puts it in the soup. 

[66] ^ jgj 



?& 



s§Efi£?==; 



m 




Alice 
There's certainly too much pepper in the soup. 

Duchess 

Sneeze then and get rid of it! 

[DUCHESS begins to sing to the baby, giving it a violent 
shake at the end of every line of the lullaby.] 

" Speak roughly to your little boy, 
And beat him when he sneezes; 
[FROG and ALICE sneeze.] 

He only does it to annoy, 

Because he knows it teases. 
[DUCHESS sneezes, FROG sneezes, ALICE sneezes.] 
I speak severely to my boy, 

I beat him when he sneezes; 
[FROG sneezes, ALICE sneezes.] 

For he can thoroughly enjoy 

The pepper when he pleases! " 
[Duchess sneezes, Frog sneezes, Alice sneezes, Duchess 

gasps and gives a tremendous sneeze.] 

Alice 

Oh dear! 

[She jumps aside as kettles and pots come flying out of the 
door. The DUCHESS pays no attention.] 
What a cook to have! 

[She calls inside.] 
Oh! please mind what you're doing! 

[67] 



Is; 



m 



M 

Hi 

KSSi 

m 






I! 

m 



ill 
IN 

1 l-.V.J 1 

HI 



\-~'.i:j.:'.IZL'..j. 



m^^msM mm^t 





[Another pan comes out and almost hits the baby.] 
m$j&$ Oh! there goes his precious nose! 

Iff 

Duchess 

If everybody minded her own business, the world would go 
round a deal faster than it does. 

Alice 

Which would not be an advantage. Just think what work it 
would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes 
twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis — 

Duchess 

Talking of axes, chop off her head! 

[The head of a grinning Cheshire cat appears in a tree 
above a wall.] 



Oh, what's that? 



Cat, of course. 



Alice 



Duchess 



Alice 



Why does it grin like that? 

m 

Duchess 
ijp! 

It's a Cheshire cat! and that's why. [To baby.~\ Pig! 

Ill -. [68] _ * . _._^ 




Duchess: I speak severely to my boy, 
I beat him when he sneezes. 



y 






Alice 



I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I 
didn't know that cats could grin. 

Duchess 
They all can and most of 'em do. 

Alice 
I don't know of any that do. 

Duchess 

You don't know much and that's a fact. Here, you may nurse 
it a bit, if you like! 

[Flings the baby at ALICE.] 
I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen. 

[She goes into the house. ,] 

Alice 

If I don't take this child away with me, they're sure to kill it 
in a day or two. Cheshire Puss, would you tell me please, 
which way I ought to walk from here? 

Cat 
That depends a good deal on where you want to get to. 

Alice 
I don't much care where — 

[69] 



ft* 



w 

:'■ '.'J 

I 



m 
few 

aral 



ill 



II 

Pi 
iN 

ip! 



J. '•>¥> 



m 

f—V 

p 

N 

m 

\m 
[l. % 



Cat 



1^1 

hefr-A 



Then it doesn't matter which way you walk. 



Alice 



So long as I get somewhere. 



CAT 
Oh, you're sure to do that, if you only walk long enough. 

Alice 

Please, will you tell me what sort of people live about 
here? 

Cat 

All mad people. 

' Alice 
But I don't want to go among mad people. 

CAT 

Oh, you can't help that; we're all mad here. I'm mad. He's 
mad. He's dreaming now, and what do you think he's dream- 
ing about? 

Alice 

[Goes to the FROG to scrutinize his face.] 
Nobody could guess that. 

[70] 



te* 






wmmmm' * 

> $ _ 




8fiSS8Sii 



Cat 



Why, about you! And if he left off dreaming about you, 
where do you suppose you'd be? 



Alice 



Where I am now, of course. 



Cat 



Not you. You'd be nowhere. Why, you're only a sort of thing Ng 
in his dream; and you're mad too. 

Alice |jlk 

How do you know I'm mad? 

CAT 
You must be, or you wouldn't have come here. 

Alice 
How do you know that you're mad? 

Cat 
To begin with, a dog's not mad. You grant that? 

Alice 

I suppose so. 

Cat 

Well then, you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its 

[7i] 



Sk~ 



i.'!.»i".'.l!j'jjV 



$mmmm m^mmmmmM st 




— '. !:L :,'. .ililuilLiUi!:'; )'M* 



m 



tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and 
wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad. 

Alice 
I call it purring, not growling. 




Call it what you like, 
today? 



Cat 
Do you play croquet with the Queen 

[72] 




Alice 
I should like it very much, but I haven't been invited yet. 




You'll see me there. 
[Vanishes.] 



CAT 



Alice 



[To squirming baby.] 
Oh, dear, it's heavy and so ugly. Don't grunt — Oh — Oh — 
it's a — pig. Please Mr. Footman take it! 

Frog 

[Rises with dignity, whistles and disappears into the house; 
a kettle comes bounding out. ALICE puts pig down and it 
crawls off.] 

Cat 

[Appearing again.] 
By-the-bye, what became of the baby? 



It turned into a pig. 



I thought it would. 
[Vanishes.] 



Alice 



Cat 



[73] 



m\ 



m 

Hi 

Mi 

I 

»-•-! ! 

'■'■■' o 

p 

p 

N 
p 

m 

mi 

hV3J 

fey 

pi 

p 



I 

ii 



sy 



[FROG comes out of the house with hedgehogs and flamin- 
goes.] 



I 

m 






Cat 



[Reappearing.] 
Did you say pig, or fig? 



Alice 



I said pig; and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and van- 
ishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy. 

CAT 

All right. [7/ vanishes slowly.] 

[FROG puts flamingoes down and reenters house. While 
ALICE is examining the flamingoes curiously, TWEEDLEDUM 
and TWEEDLEDEE, each with an arm round the other's neck, 
sidestep in and stand looking at ALICE.] 

Alice 

[Turns, sees them, starts in surprise and involuntarily 
whispers.] 
Tweedle — dee. 




w 




Dum 

Contrariwise, if you think we're alive, you ought to speak. 

Dee 

The first thing in a visit is to say " How d'ye do? " and shake 
hands! 

[The brothers give each other a hug, then hold out the twa 
hands that are free, to shake hands with her. ALICE does not 
like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurt- 
ing the other one's feelings; she takes hold of both hands at 
once and they all dance round in a ring, quite naturally to 
music, " Here we go round the mulberry bush." 

Alice 
Would you tell me which road leads out of — 

DEE 
What shall I repeat to her? 

DUM 

The " Walrus and the Carpenter " is the longest. 
[Gives his brother an affectionate hug.] 

Dee 

The sun was shining — 

Alice 
If it's very long, would you please tell me first which road — 

[75] 



pi 

P 
Iff 

Hi 



§ 



m 



1 1 .... 1 



\m 



I 

m 

m\ 

i! 

m 






Dee 
The moon was shining sulkily. 

Dum 
The sea was wet as wet could be — 

DEE 

O Oysters, come and walk with us 
The Walrus did beseech — 

DUM 

[Looks at Dee.] 

A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, 
Along the briny beach — 

Dee 

[Looks at DUM.] 

The eldest Oyster winked his eye 
And shook his heavy head — 

Dum 

[Looks at Dee.] 

Meaning to say he did not choose 
To leave the oyster bed. 

Dee 

But four young Oysters hurried up 
And yet another four — 

[76] 



I 



■ 







And thick and fast they came at last, 
And more, and more, and more — 

Dee 

The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Walked on a mile or so, 

Dum 

And then they rested on a rock 
Conveniently low, 

Dee 

And all the little Oysters stood 
And waited in a row. 

Dim 

" A loaf of bread," the Walrus said, 
" Is what we chiefly need. 

Dee 

Now if you're ready, Oysters dear, 
We can begin to feed." 

Dum 



" But not on us! " the Oysters cried, 
Turning a little blue. 

[77] 



% 

iff; 

','■■■■>', 



I M* 

i 

pi 



ill 



m^^mm^mm mmms0 



" The night is fine," the Walrus said, 
" Do you admire the view? " 

DUM 

The Carpenter said nothing but 

" Cut us another slice. 
I wish you were not quite so deaf — 

I've had to ask you twice 1 " 

Dee 

" It seems a shame," the Walrus said, 
" To play them such a tricky 

After we've brought them out so far, 
And made them trot so quick! " 

Dum 

" O, Oysters," said the Carpenter, 
" You've had a pleasant run! 

Dee 

Shall we be trotting home again? " 

Dum 
But answer came there none — 

Dee 
And this was scarcely odd, because 

[78] 



V 



m 
















u 



m 



'%#> fe 



Dum 
They'd eaten every — 

Dee 

[Interrupts in a passion, pointing to a white rattle on the 
ground.] Do you see that? 




It's only a rattle 



Alice 



Dum 



[Stamps wildly and tears his hair.] 
I knew it was! It's spoilt of course. My nice new rattle I 
[To Dee.] You agree to have a battle? 
[He collects sauce pans and pots.] 

Dee 

[Picks up a sauce pan.] I suppose so. Let's fight till 
dinner. 

[They go out hand in hand.] 

Alice 

[Hears music] I wonder what is going to happen next. 

[She backs down stage respectfully as the KING and QUEEN 
OF HEARTS enter, followed by the KNAVE OF HEARTS carrying 
the KING'S crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and the WHITE 
RABBIT and others. When they come opposite to ALICE they 
stop and look at her.] 

[The DUCHESS comes out of her house.] 

[79] 



vf"\ 

V-'.' 1 



m 



m 

1 



m 

iij 
11 



fctfSr 







—*;;'.•?••• —• •*.- 




Queen 



[To the Knave.] 
Who is this? 



m 



H\ 







Knave 
[Bows three times, smiles and giggles.~\ 

[80] 



Queen 
Idiot! What's your name, child? 

Alice 
My name is Alice, so please your Majesty. 

Queen 
Off with her head! Off — 

Alice 

Nonsense! 

King 
Consider, my dear, she is only a child. 

Queen 
Can you play croquet? 




Alice 



Yes. 



Queen 
Come on then. Get to your places. Where are the mallets? 

Duchess 



Here. 



m 
1 

I 






m 

lt"-.!l 

1! 

id! 

m 

H 

Mi 

ps 

ibj 
Ms 

y 

m 

m 
m 



r-:?. ) 



[The FROG appears with the flamingoes and hedgehogs.] 




m 



Queen 

Off with his head! 

[No one pays any attention.^ 



m 



What fun! 



What is the fun? 



Knave 



Alice 



Knave 
Why she; it's all her fancy, that. They never execute anyone. 



What does one do? 



Alice 



Queen 



Get to your places! 

[She takes a flamingo, uses its neck as a mallet and a hedge- 

i CC3j 

hoq as a ball. The FROG doubles himself into an arch. The 
KING does the same with the followers and the KNAVE offers 
himself as an arch for ALICE. Even though ALICE does not 
notice him he holds the arch position. The QUEEN shouts at 
intervals, " Off with his head, off with her head." 

fcvjl fea 

N a N 

Alice 
ifcai jsa 

jtv.ij Jr"" 

Where are the Chess Queens? 

Ill . [82] , 11 




.-i- , j^^«iiiuiL.ajy? ffijM 

k i k 



Rabbit 
Under sentence of execution. 



Alice 
What for? 

Rabbit 
Did you say, " what a pity " ? 

Alice 
I don't think it's at all a pity. I said, " What 



No, I didn't, 
for?" 



Rabbit 



They boxed the Queen's ears. 

[ALICE gives a little scream of laughter.] 

Rabbit 

Oh, hush! The Queen will hear you! You see they came 
rather late and the Queen said — Oh dear, the Queen hears 
me — 

[He hurries away.] 

Alice 

[Noticing the KNAVE who still pretends to be an arch.} 
How can you go on thinking so quietly, with your head down- 
wards? 

[83] 







if 

p! 

i 

if....; 1 

m 



- v i 1 

i 



\m\ 



M 



Pi: 

m 

I ' 

im\ 



^^^^^^ m^mmm^ 



f;s.7~ r ,.- f AY t 




v£t 



Knave 



What does it matter where my body happens to be? My mind 
goes on working just the same. The fact of it is, the more 
head downwards I am, the more I keep on inventing new 
things. 

King 

Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came 
through the wood? 

Alice 
Yes, I did; several thousand I should think. 

King 

Four thousand, two hundred and seven, that's the exact num- 
ber. They couldn't send all the horses, you know, because two 
of them are wanted in the game. And I haven't sent the two 
messengers, either. 



What's the war about? 



Alice 



King 



The red Chess King has the whole army against us but he 
can't kill a man who has thirteen hearts. 

[The Duchess, Queen, Frog, and followers go out. The 
Knave and the Five-Spot, Seven-Spot, and Nine-Spot of 

HEARTS stand behind the KING.] 

[8 4 ] 




King: I only wish I had such eyes; to be able 
to see Nobody! 





King 

Just look along the road and tell me if you can see either of 
my messengers. 



I see nobody on the road. 



Alice 



King 



I only wish I had such eyes; to be able to see Nobody! And 
at that distance too! Why, it's as much as I can do to see real 
people, by this light. 

Alice 

I see somebody now! But he's coming very slowly — and 
what curious attitudes he goes into — skipping up and down, 
and wriggling like an eel. 

King 

Not at all, those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does 
them when he's happy. I must have two messengers, you 
know — to come and go. One to come and one to go. 



I beg your pardon? 

It isn't respectable to beg 

r.v.-J 

J^'LZi.'j.'.'.'.^Ljj.'.'-.Hjj.: 



Alice 



King 




•M 

1 

m 
m 

P 

ji 

PI 
m 



f 



i! 

II 

I 

m 

m 

m 

m 
m 
m\ 



i 



.11 

a 



si 



I only meant that I didn't understand. Why one to come and 
one to go? 

King 

Don't I tell you? I must have two — to fetch and carry. One 
to fetch, and one to carry. 

March Hare 

[Enters, pants for breath — waves his hands about and 
makes fearful faces at the KING.] Js 

KING 

v i 

You alarm me ! I feel faint — give me a ham sandwich. 

Another sandwich! $V 

JE 

March Hare 
There's nothing but hay left now. 

KING 
Hay, then. There's nothing like eating hay when you're faint. 

Alice 

!p] 1 1?: 

I should think throwing cold water over you would be better. 

\m p 

>'rV, !-■••- 

KING 

ill! . Ip 

I didn't say there was nothing better; I said there was nothing 

like it. 

[86] 



MMFM 







King 

Who did you pass on the road? 

March Hare 

Nobody. 

King 

Quite right; this young lady saw him too. So of course No- 
body walks slower than you. 

March Hare 
I do my best; I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do. 

King 

He can't do that; or else he'd have been here first. However, 
now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's happened 
in the town. 

March Hare 

I'll whisper it. 

[Much to ALICE'S surprise, he shouts into the KING'S ear.] 
They're at it again! 

King 

Do you call that a whisper? If you do such a thing again, I'll 
have you buttered. It went through and through my head like 
an earthquake. Give me details, quick! 

[8 7 ] 



\',-m 



m 



*;;•£--■ 



pi 



III 
I 

Jr...' 

m 






*N?? 




m'SMmF' ' : '• •\fi f vmk/ i; aVTr>\ ■ 



[The KING and MARCH HARE go out, followed by FIVE, 



fep Seven, and Nine Spots.] 

w 

hiff/iL 

Duchess 

[Runs in and tucks her arm affectionately into ALICE'S.] 
You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old 
thing! 



ft 

w 



Oh 



Alice 



Duchess 



You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes 
you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of 
that is, but I shall remember it in a bit. 




i 



II! 



Perhaps it hasn't one. 



Alice 



Duchess 



Tut, tut, child! Everything's got a moral, if only you can find 
it. 

[Squeezes closely, digs her chin into ALICE'S shoulder, 
and roughly drags ALICE along for a walk.^ 

Alice 

The game's going on rather better now. 

[88] 



il ^ 





M 



Duchess 

and the moral of that is — " Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that 
makes the world go round ! " 

Alice 

Somebody said, that it's done by everybody minding their own 
business. 

Duchess 

Ah, well! It means much the same thing, and the moral of 
that is — " Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take 
care of themselves." 

Alice 
How fond you are of finding morals in things. 

Duchess 

I daresay you're wondering why I don't put my arm round 
your waist. The reason is, that I'm doubtful about the temper 
of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment? 



Alice 



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He might bite. 



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Duchess 

Very true; flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral 
of that is — " Birds of a feather flock together." 

[89] 



jjX'-~ '-'-'■'-'--'-'.■'■'■'"><■'■'■'' 'l'"''-''l>'"J^r., r Ml 



Alice 
Only mustard isn't a bird. 

Duchess 
Right, as usual; what a clear way you have of putting things. 

Alice 
It's a mineral, I think. 

Duchess 

Of course it is; there's a large mustard mine near here. And 
the moral of that is — " The more there is of mine, the less 
there is of yours." 

Alice 
Oh! I know, it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is. 

Duchess 

I quite agree with you, and the moral of that is — " Be what 
you would seem to be; " or, if you'd like it put more simply, 
" Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it 
might appear to others that what you were or might have been 
was not otherwise than what you had been would have ap- 
peared to them to be otherwise." 

Alice 

I think I should understand that better if I had it written 
down, but I can't quite follow it as you say it 

[90] 










1 



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Duchess 
That's nothing to what I could say if I chose. 

Alice 
Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that. 

Duchess 

Oh, don't talk about trouble; I make you a present of every- 
thing I've said as yet. 



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Uhm 



Thinking again? 



I've got a right to think. 



Alice 



Duchess 



Alice 



Duchess 




m 

IN 
Just about as much right as pigs have to fly, and the moral — 

[The arm of the DUCHESS begins to tremble and her voice 

dies down. The QUEEN OF HEARTS stands before them with 

folded arms and frowning like a thunderstorm.] 



Duchess 



1' 
1 



A fine day, your Majesty 




Queen 
Now, I give you fair warning, either you or your head must 
be off, and that in about half no time. Take your choice! 
[The DUCHESS goes meekly into the house.~\ 




Queen 

Let's go on with the game. 

[She goes off and shouts at intervals, " Off with his head; 
off with her head."^\ 

[92 l —- xHfc== j- 



A 















How are you getting on? 



CAT 



Alice 



It's no use speaking to you till your ears have come. I don't 
think they play at all fairly and they all quarrel so and they 
don't seem to have any rules in particular. And you've no 
idea how confusing it is with all th-e things alive; there's 
the arch I've got to go through next walking about at the 
other end of the ground — and I should have croqueted the 
Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine 
coming. 

[Music begins. ] 

Cat 
How do you like the Queen? 

Alice 

Not at all ; she's so extremely — 

[The KING, QUEEN and entire court enter. The QUEEN 
is near to ALICE. The music stops and all look at ALICE ques- 
tioningly.~\ 

[ALICE tries to propitiate the QUEEN.] 
— likely to win, 

[Music continues.] 
that it's hardly worth while finishing the game. 

[QUEEN smiles and passes on.~\ 

[93] 



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King 



Who are you talking to? 



It's a friend of mine 
duce it. 



Alice 

Cheshire Cat — allow me to intro- 

KlNG 



I don't like the look of it at all ; however, it may kiss my hand 
if it likes. 



$& I'd rather not. 



Cat 



King 



Don't be impertinent and don't look at me like that. 



A cat may look at a king, 
don't remember where. 



Well, it must be removed, 
this cat removed. 



Off with his head! 



Alice 

I've read that in some book, but I 



King 

My dear! 

Queen 

[94] 



I wish you would have 



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Knave 



But you can't cut off a head unless there's a body to cut it off 
from. 

King 
Anything that has a head can be beheaded. 

Queen 

If something isn't done about it in less than no time, I'll have 
everybody executed, all round. 

Alice 

It belongs to the Duchess; you'd better ask her about it. 

Duchess 



It's a lie! 



Cat 



You'd better ask me. Do it if you can. 

[It grins away. The DUCHESS and FROG escape into 
the house.] 



Cut it off! 



Queen 



King 




1 

MS.! 

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Everybody 
It's gone! It's gone! Where, where, where — 

Queen 
Cut it off. Cut them all off! 

Everybody 




No, no, no! 



Save me, save me 



Alice 



Knave 



[Shouts to ALICE and gives her a tart for safety.] 
Take a tart! 

Queen 

[Seeing ALICE stand out a moment from the others.] 
Cut hers off! Cut hers off! 

IP- 
Others 

[Glad to distract QUEEN'S attention from themselves.] 
Cut hers off, cut hers off, cut — 

Alice 

[Cries in fear and takes a quick bite at the tart. If there is 
a trap door on the stage ALICE disappears down it, leaving the 

[96] Jlj 





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crowd circling around the hole screaming and amazed. If 
the stage has no trap door, a bridge is built across the footlights 
with stairs leading down into the orchestra pit. When the 
crowd is chasing ALICE she jumps over the footlights onto the 
bridge and as the curtain is falling dividing her from the crowd 
she appeals to the audience, " Save me, save me, who will save 
me? " and runs down the stairs and disappears.^ 

CURTAIN 



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ACT III 

SCENE ONE 

Is a garden of high, very conventional and artificial looking 
flowers. On a large mushroom sits the CATERPILLAR smok- 
ing a hookah. ALICE is whirling about trying to get her 
equilibrium after her fall. She goes to the mushroom tim- 
idly and, conscious of her size, for her chin reaches the top 
of the mushroom, she gazes at the CATERPILLAR wonder- 
ingly. He looks at her lazily and speaks in a languid 
voice.~\ 



ill 



Who are you? 



Caterpillar 



Alice 

I — I hardly know, sir, just at present. The Queen frightened 
me so and I've had an awfully funny fall down a tunnel or a 
sort of well. At least I know who I was when I got up this 
morning, but I think I must have been changed several times 
since then. 



Caterpillar 
What do you mean by that? Explain yourself. 

[98] 



^mi^ s^s^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^SM!^E§i0 



Alice 

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not 
you see. Being so many different sizes in a day is ve 
fusing. 





myself, 
ry con- 



You! Who are you? 



Caterpillar 



Alice 
I think you ought to tell me who you are, first. 

Caterpillar 

Why? 

[As ALICE turns away.] 
Come back. I've something important to say. 

[ALICE comes back.] 
Keep your temper. 




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Is that all? 



No. 



Alice 



Caterpillar 



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[He puffs at the hookah in silence; finally takes it out of 
his mouth and unfolds his arms.] 
So you think you're changed, do you? 

Alice 
I'm afraid I am, Sir; I don't keep the same size. 

Caterpillar 
What size do you want to be? 

Alice 
At least I've never been so small as a cater- 



I don't know, 
pillar. 



[ioo] 







Caterpillar 

[Rears angrily.] 
It is a very good height indeed. 




M 

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But I'm not used to it; I wish you wouldn't all be so easily 
offended. 

Caterpillar 
You'll get used to it in time. 

# Alice 

Are you too big or am I too small? 

[She compares her height wonderingly with the tall 
jfcj; flowers.] 

II 

Caterpillar 

[Looks at her sleepily, yawns, shakes himself, slides down 
from the mushroom and crawls slowly away.~\ 
One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will 
make you grow shorter. 



Alice 
One side of what? The other side of what? 



Of the mushroom. 



Caterpillar 



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wb/'w r ALICE hesitates, then embraces mushroom and picks bit Wr,'M$ 

S$$ from each side.] Wi, 

[Three gardeners representing spades enter carrying \M\ 



brushes and red paint cans.] 

Two- Spot 

Look out now, Five. Don't go splashing paint over me like 
that. 

Five-Spot 
I couldn't help it. Seven jogged my elbow. 

Seven-Spot 
That's right, Five, always lay the blame on others. 

Five-Spot 

You'd better not talk. I heard the Queen say only yesterday 
you deserved to be beheaded. 

Two- Spot 
What for? 

Seven-Spot 
That's none of your business, Two. 

Five- Spot 

Yes, it is his business, and I'll tell him. It was for bringing 
the cook tulip roots instead of onions. 

[102] 



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Seven- Spot 

Well, of all the unjust things — 

[Sees ALICE; others look around, all bow.~\ 

Alice 

Could you please tell me what side to eat? 
[Five and Seven look at Two.] 

Two- Spot 

I don't know anything about it. 

[He paints a white rose, red.~\ 
You ought to have been red, we put you in by mistake, and if 
the Queen was to find it out we should all have our heads 
cut off. 

[A thumping is heard off stage and the music grows louder 
and louder.~\ 

Alice 
What's that? 

Five- Spot 
The White Chess Queen. 

Seven-Spot 
Don't let her see what we are doing. 

Two- Spot 



She'll tell on us. 



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Seven- Spot 
Run out and stop her from coming here. 

Five- Spot 

[To ALICE as she runs to the right.] 
No, no, the other way. 

Alice 
But she's off there! 

Two- Spot 
You can only meet her by walking the other way. 

Alice 
Oh ! what nonsense. 

All the Gardeners 
Go the other way! 

Alice 

[Re-enters in dismay and dashes out to the left.] 
She's running away from me. 

[The WHITE QUEEN backs in from right and ALICE backs 
in from left. They meet. The gardeners cry " The Queen " 
and throw themselves flat upon the ground; their backs are 
like the backs of the rest of the pack. Music stops. ALICE 
looks at the QUEEN curiously.'] 

[104] 



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Alice 

Oh, there you are! Why, I'm just the size I was when I saw 
you last. 

White Queen 

Of course you are, and who are these? I can't tell them by 
their backs. 

[She turns them over with her foot.] 
Turn over. Ah ! I thought so ! Get up ! What have you been 
doing here? 

Two- Spot 
May it please your Majesty, we were trying — 

White Queen 

[Examines rose.] 
I see! Begone, or I'll send the horses after you, and tell the 
Queen of Hearts. 

[Gardeners rush off. The Red Queen enters. Alice has 

gone to the mushroom again to look at its sides and there to 
her amazement finds a gold crown and scepter, which she im- 
mediately appropriates. Music. The QUEENS watch ALICE 
superciliously. ALICE puts on her crown, proudly exclaim- 
ing in great elation, " Queen Alice," and walks down stage 
bowing right and left to the homage of imaginary subjects. 
She repeats as if scarcely daring to believe it true, " Queen 



Alice." Music stops.] 



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Red Queen 
Ridiculous! 

Alice 
Isn't this the Eighth Square? 

Red Queen 

You can't be a Queen, you know, till you've passed the proper 
examination. 

White Queen 
The sooner we begin it, the better. 

Alice 
Please, would you tell me — 

Red Queen 
Speak when you're spoken to. 

Alice 

But if everybody obeyed that rule, and if you only spoke 
when you were spoken to, and the other person always waited 
for you to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything, so 
that — 



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Preposterous. 



Red Queen 



[ro6] 



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Alice 
I only said " if." 

Red Queen 
She says she only said " if." 

White Queen 

[Moans and wrings her hands. ] 
But she said a great deal more than that, 
more than that. 



Ah, yes, so much 



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Red Queen 
So you did, you know; always speak the truth — think before 
you speak— and write it down afterwards. 

Alice 
I'm sure I didn't mean — 

Red Queen 

That's just what I complained of. You should have meant! 
What do you suppose is the use of a child without any mean- 
ing? Even a joke should have some meaning — and a child's 
more important than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, 
even if you tried with both hands. 

Alice 

I don't deny things with my hands. 

[107] 



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Red Queen 
Nobody said you did. I said you couldn't if you tried. 

White Queen 

She's in that state of mind, that she wants to deny something — 
only she doesn't know what to deny! 

Red Queen 

A nasty, vicious temper. I invite you to Alice's dinner party 
this afternoon. 

White Queen 

And I invite you. 

Alice 

I didn't know I was to have a party at all; but if there is to 
be one, I think I ought to invite the guests. 

Red Queen 

We gave you the opportunity of doing it, but I dare say you've 
not had many lessons in manners yet. 

Alice 

Manners are not taught in lessons; lessons teach you to do 
sums, and things of that sort. 

White Queen 

Can you do addition? What's one and one and one and one 
and one and one and one and one and one and one? 

[io81 





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Alice 



I don't know. I lost count. 



Red Queen 

She can't do addition; can you do subtraction? Take nine 
from eight. 

Alice 
Nine from eight I can't, you know, but — 

White Queen 

She can't do subtraction. Can you do division? Divide a 
loaf by a knife — what's the answer to that? 



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I suppose — 



Alice 



Red Queen 



[Answers for her.~\ 
Bread and butter, of course. Try another subtraction sum. 
Take a bone from a dog; what remains? 



Alice 



- and the 
and I'm 





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The bone wouldn't remain, of course, if I took it 
dog wouldn't remain; it would come to bite me 
sure I shouldn't remain. 

[109] 




Red Queen 

remain? 



W$t, Then you think nothing would 

m\ Alice 

I think that's the answer. 

Red Queen 
Wrong as usual ; the dog's temper would remain. 

Alice 
But I don't see how — 

Red Queen 
Why, look here; the dog would lose its temper, wouldn't it? 

Alice 
Perhaps it would. 

Red Queen 
Then if the dog went away, its temper would remain! 

Alice 

They might go different ways! What dreadful nonsense we 
are talking. 



Both Queens 



She can't do sums a bit! 



[no] 



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White Queen 



I can do addition, if you give me time — but I can't do sub- 
traction under any circumstances. 

Red Queen 
Of course you know your A, B, C? 

Alice 
To be sure I do. 

White Queen 

So do I; we'll often say it over together, dear. And I'll tell 
you a secret — I can read words of one letter. Isn't that 
grand? However, don't be discouraged. You'll come to it 
in time. 

Red Queen 
Can you answer useful questions? How is bread made? 

Alice 
I know that! You take some flour — 



White Queen 
Where do you pick the flower? In a garden or in the hedges? 

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Alice 
Well, it isn't picked at all. It's ground — 

White Queen 

How many acres of ground? You mustn't leave out so many 
things. 

Red Queen 

Fan her head! She'll be feverish after so much thinking. 

[They fan her with bunches of leaves which blow her hair 
wildly.] 

Alice 




Please — please — 



Red Queen 



She's all right again now. Do you know languages? What's 
the French for fiddle-de-dee? 

Alice 
Fiddle-de-dee's not English. 

Red Queen 

P 

Who ever said it was? 

IS 

Alice 

If you tell me what language fiddle-de-dee is, I'll tell you the 
French for it! 

[112] 



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Red Queen 
Queens never make bargains! 

Alice 
I wish Queens never asked questions! 

White Queen 
Don't let us quarrel; what is the cause of lightning? 

Alice 

The cause of lightning is the thunder — no, no! 1 meant the 
other way. 

Red Queen 

It's too late to correct it; when you've once said a thing, that 
fixes it, and you must take the consequences. 



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White Queen 
We had such a thunderstorm next Tuesday, you can't think. 

Red Queen 

She never could, you know. 

White Queen 

Part of the roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in — 
and it went rolling round the room in great lumps — and 
knocking over the tables and things — till I was so frightened, 
I couldn't remember my own name! 

[»3] 



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Alice 

I never should fry to remember my name in the middle of an 
accident. Where would be the use of it? 

1 

Red Queen mj\ 

'''•.■■ ' 

You must excuse her. She means well, but she can't help say- 
ing foolish things, as a general rule. She never was really well 
brought up, but it's amazing how good tempered she is I <£ 
Pat her on the head, and see how pleased she'll be! A little j^ 
kindness and putting her hair in papers would do wonders 
with her. jfe 

tg 
White Queen 

[Gives a deep sigh and leans her head on ALICE'S shoul- ^ 
der.] 
I am so sleepy! 

Red Queen g 



She's tired, poor thing ; smooth her hair — lend her your night 
cap — and sing her a soothing lullaby. 

Alice 

I haven't got a night cap with me, and I don't know any sooth- 
ing lullabies. 



Red Queen 



I must do it myself, then. 



[»4] 



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Alice: Do wake up, you heavy things! 





Hush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap! 
Till the feast's ready, we've time for a nap; 
When the feast's over, we'll go to the ball — 
Red Queen and White Queen and Alice and all! 

And now you know the words, 

[She puts her head on ALICE'S other shoulder.'] 
Just sing it through to me. I'm getting sleepy too. 

[Both queens fall fast asleep and snore loudly.] 

Alice 

What am I to do? Take care of two Queens asleep at once? 
Do wake up, you heavy things! 

[All lights go out, leaving a mysterious glow on ALICE and 
the queens.] 

White Rabbit 

[Blows trumpet off stage.] 
The trial's beginning! 



■■'•'.'•■ '" 'i ">'! 

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What trial is it? 



Who stole the tarts. 



ate a tart 



White Rabbit 



Alice 




[115] 






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White Rabbit 
You've got to be tried. 

Alice 
I don't want to be tried. 

White Rabbit 
You've got to be tried. 

Alice 
I won't be tried — I won't — I won't! 






Ss 



SCENE TWO 

Is a court room suggesting playing cards. The jurymen are all 
kinds of creatures. The KING and QUEEN OF HEARTS are 
seated on the throne. The KNAVE is before them in chains. 
The WHITE RABBIT has a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll 
of parchment in the other. In the middle of the court 
stands a table with a large dish of tarts upon it. 

White Rabbit 

[Blows three blasts on his trumpet.] 
Silence in the court! 

Alice 

[Watches jurymen writing busily on their slates.] 
What are they doing? They can't have anything to put down 
yet, before the trial's begun. 

[116] 



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Knave 

They're putting down their names for fear they should forget \'{$ 
them before the end of the trial. \>M> 

1 

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Stupid things 



Silence in the court! 



Alice 



White Rabbit 



Jurors 



[IF rite in chorus.] 
Stupid things! 



One Juror 






How do you spell stupid? 

Alice 
A nice muddle their slates will be in before the trial's over. 

Queen 
There's a pencil squeaking. Cut it down! 

Jurors 

[In chorus as they write.] 
Squeaking — 

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King 

[Wears a crown over his wig; puts on his spectacles as 
says.~\ 
Herald, read the accusation! 



he 




White Rabbit 

[Blows three blasts on his trumpet, unrolls parchm 
scroll and reads to music] 

["8] 



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it 



The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, 

All on a summer day; 
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, 

And took them quite away! 

King 
Consider your verdict! 

White Rabbit 
Not yet, not yet; there's a great deal to come before that. 

King 

Call the first witness. 

White Rabbit 

First witness! 

Hatter 

{Comes in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread 
and butter in the other.] 

I beg your pardon, your Majesty, for bringing these in, but I 
hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for. 

King 

You ought to have finished; when did you begin? 

Hatter 

[Looks at the MARCH HARE, who follows him arm-in-arm 

with the Dormouse.] 

[119] 
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Fourteenth of March, I think it was. 

March Hare 
Fifteenth. 






Sixteenth. 



Write that down. 



Dormouse 



King 



Jury 



\M$ Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen — forty-five. Reduce that to shil 



lings — 

Take off your hat. 

It isn't mine. 



Stolen/ 



King 



Hatter 



King 



Jury 



Stolen! 



Hatter 

I keep them to sell. I've none of my own. I'm a hatter 

[120] 




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Queen of Hearts 



[Puts on her spectacles and stares at HATTER, who fidgets 
uncomfortably.^ 

King 

Give your evidence and don't be nervous, or I'll have you exe- 
cuted on the spot. 

[The HATTER continues to shift nervously from one foot 
to the other, looks uneasily at the QUEEN, trembles so that he 
shakes off both of his shoes, and in his confusion bites a large 
piece out of his teacup instead of the bread and butter. ^ 

Hatter 

I'm a poor man, your Majesty, and I hadn't but just begun 
my tea — not above a week or so — and what with the bread 
and butter getting so thin — and the twinkling of the tea — 



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The twinkling of what? 



It began with the tea. 



King 



Hatter 



King 



m 



Of course twinkling begins with a T 
dunce? Go on! 

[121] 



Do you take me for a 



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m a poor man and most things twinkled after that — only 
the March Hare said — 



I didn't! 



You did. 



I deny it. 



March Hare 



Hatter 



March Hare 



King 



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11 



q| He denies it; leave out that part. 

Queen 
But what did the Dormouse say? 

Hatter 
That I can't remember. 

King 
You must remember or I'll have you executed. 

Hatter 



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[Drops teacup, and bread and butter and goes down on one 
knee.~\ 

[122] 










I'm a poor man, your Majesty 



King 



If that's all you know about it you may stand down. 

Hatter 
I can't go no lower; I'm on the floor as it is. 



Then you may sit down. 



I'd rather finish my tea. 



King 



Hatter 



King 



You may go. 

[The HATTER goes out hurriedly, leaving one of his shoes 
behind J] 

Queen 

[Nonchalantly to an officer.] 
And just take his head off outside. 

[But the HATTER was out of sight before the officer could 
get to the door.] 



King 



Call the next witness! 



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Next witness! 

[TV/^ DUCHESS enters with a pepper pot, which she shakes 
about. Everybody begins to sneeze. MARCH HARE sneezes 
and rushes ow/.] 

King 
Give your evidence! 

Duchess 
Shan't! 

White Rabbit 
Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness. 

King 

Well, if I must, I must. What does your cook say tarts are 
made of? 

Duchess 

Pepper. 

[The DUCHESS shakes the pot and the court sneezes.~\ 

Dormouse 

Treacle! 

[ The DUCHESS shakes the pot at him. He sneezes for the 
first time.] 

[124] 




Queen 

Collar the Dormouse! Behead the Dormouse! Turn that 
Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off 
with his whiskers! 

[The whole court is in confusion, turning the DORMOUSE 
out, and while it is settling down again the DUCHESS disap- 
pears:] 



White Rabbit 



The Duchess! 



Court 



She's gone — she's gone. 



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King 

Never mind! 

[In a low tone to the QUEEN.] 
Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness, 
quite makes my forehead ache! Call the next witness! 



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White Rabbit 

[Fumbles with the parchment, then cries in a shrill little 
voice.] 
Alice! 



Here! 



Alice 



[125] 



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King 
What do you know about this business? 

Alice 
Nothing whatever. 

King 

[To the jury.] 
That's very important. 

White Rabbit 
t/rcimportant, your Majesty means, of course. 

King 

£/«important, of course I meant. Important — unimportant 
— unimportant — important. Consider your verdict! 

[Some of the jury write " important " and some write 
" unimportant."] 

White Rabbit 

There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty; this 
paper has just been picked up. 



Queen 

i 

i 

What's in it? 

White Rabbit 

pi 

[Fumbles with a huge envelope.] 

[126] ill 




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aven't opened it yet, but it seems to be a letter, written by \)L/m 



the prisoner to — to somebody. 

King 

It must have been that unless it was written to nobody, which 
isn't usual, you know. 



Who is it directed to? 



Alice 



White Rabbit 



It isn't directed at all; in fact, there's nothing written on the 
outside. 

[Takes out a tiny piece of paper.] 
It isn't a letter at all; it's a set of verses. 

Queen 

Are they in the prisoner's handwriting? 
[The jury brightens up.] 

White Rabbit 

[Looks at the KNAVE'S hand. KNAVE hides his hand ; the 
chains rattle.] 
No, they're not, and that's the queerest thing about it. 

[The jury looks puzzled.] 

King 

He must have imitated somebody else's hand! 

[127] 



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Knave 

Please, your Majesty, I didn't write it and they can't prove I %m<, 






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did; there's no name signed at the end. 

King 

If you didn't sign it that only makes the matter worse. You 
must have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your 
name like an honest man. 

[At this there is a general clapping of hands.] 



That proves his guilt. 



Queen 



Alice 



It proves nothing of the sort! Why, you don't even know what 
they're about. 



Read them! 



King 



White Rabbit 



[Puts on his monocle.] 
Where shall I begin, please your Majesty? 

King 

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end, then 
stop. 

[128] 



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White Rabbit 



" They told me you had been to her, 
And mentioned me to him; 
She gave me a good character, 
But said I could not swim. 



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" I gave her one, they gave him two, 
You gave us three or more; 
They all returned from him to you, 
Though they were mine before. 

" My notion was that you had been 
(Before she had this fit) 
An obstacle that came between 
Him, and ourselves, and it. 



m\ 



" Don't let him know she liked him best, 
For this must ever be 
A secret, kept from all the rest, 
Between yourself and me." 

King 

That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet; 
so now let the jury — 

Alice 

If anyone of them can explain it, I'll give him sixpence. I 
don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it. 

[129] 

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She doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it. 

King 

If there's no meaning in it, that saves a world of trouble, you 
know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know. 

[Spreads out the verses on his knee and studies them.~\ 
I seem to see some meaning after all. " Said I could not 
swim." You can't swim, can you? 

Knave 

[Shakes his head sadly and points to his suitJ\ 
Do I look like it? 

King 

All right, so far; "We know it to be true," that's the jury, 
of course; " I gave her one, they gave him two " why that 
must be what he did with the tarts, you know — 

Alice 
But it goes on " they all returned from him to you." 

King 



[Triumphantly pointing to the tarts.^ 
Why, there they are! Nothing can be clearer than that. 
Then again, " before she had this fit," you never had fits, my 
dear, I think? 

[130] 



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Never 




King 



Then the words don't /Ff you. 

[TT^r^ is dead silence, while the KING looks around at 
the court with a smile.] 



King 



It's a pun! 

[Everybody laughs. 



Music] 

King 

Let the jury consider their verdict. 



No, no! Sentence first 



Stuff and nonsense! 



[Furiously.] 
Hold your tongue! 



Queen 

-verdict afterwards. 

Alice 
Queen 



I won't! 



Alice 



[131] 



tea! 

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Off with her head! 



m 
II 

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Who cares for you? 



Cut it off! 



Queen 



Alice 



Queen 



m 

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Alice 

You're nothing but a pack of cards! 

[^ lights go out and curtain falls all the characters hold 
their positions as if petrified.^ 

CURTAIN 



SCENE THREE 

[The curtain rises to show ALICE still asleep in the arm- 
chair, the fire in the grate suffusing her with its glow.~\ 

Carroll 

Wake up, Alice, it is time for tea. 

[Off stage the characters repeat their most characteristic 
lines, " Off with her head," " Consider your verdict," " Oh! 
my fur and whiskers" ; the DUCHESS sneezes, the cat cries, 

[132] 






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'MM met inJMonmiml} ^'^^^§|P^% 

as if the characters were fading away into the pack of real 'm,^§' 
fflv playing cards which shower through the mirror all over ALICE. ^\M§ 
There is music] M$ 



Alice 

\}Vakes, rises, and looks about in surprise and wonder- 
ment.] 
Why it was a dream ! 

CURTAIN 



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